I lay it down

I have struggled and questioned more in this past year than I can ever remember - who I am...what I've accomplished as a parent......what I'm called to do...God's call on our family and Tom's ministry...the leading of our church...the purpose of it all.  

Fear and anxiety have been close.  I've felt often as though the balance of peace in our home is one that has tipped from precarious to dire.  I question what more I can do and wonder how we got to this place.  In this moment, I feel that I've already given up so much of what I hold dear, of my dreams for myself and for my family, of me.  There are times I feel desperate for answers, and others when I want to just hide my head in the sand.

  

What more can I give, without completely losing myself? 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Lord, I am thankful for the new creation You have made of me, of Your continual refining.   I thank You that in losing myself, I am finding You more and more each day.

 

How can I face the future, when I'm so unsettled about today?

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105

In God's Word, I find solace and answers - just enough to get me to the next day.

 

When every day seems to descend into chaos, how do I carry on?

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

I know not what the future holds, but I will choose to trust in the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul.  It's just not easy sometimes.

 

When fear overwhelms?

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love

and of sound-mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 (the Pastor Chuck paraphrase)

I have clung to this verse for nearly 10 years, meditated upon it and prayed it more times than I can count.  And I will continue to - seeking daily to have that spirit of power and love displayed in my life.  Fear comes not from the Lord, but from the enemy and I will claim Christ's victory in it's face.

 

Ultimately, I know that Tom's calling has lead to interference in our lives by the enemy.  It is something we battle every single day, and it is something that in the past has nearly claimed me.  It causes me fear and anxiety, it leads to struggles with our children, doubts about our calling.  But I know - with my heart, mind and soul - that God is in control, as He always has been and always will be. 

Oh pearl of greatest price
No act of sacrifice
Can match the gift of life I find within Your gaze
Oh, what a sweet exchange
I die to rise again
Lifted up from the grave into Your hands of grace

 

Again, Lord, I pray...help me to lay it down - the fear, the worry, the doubt, the questions.  Help me to put You first.  To seek You first.  To lay it at Your feet.  To search for answers in You.  Remind me, Father, that these battles I fight - they were won a long, long time ago. 

The rest of it?

Everything I am
Everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

Comments

[December Hall]

Samantha, I rarely read beyond a person's status on fb because I just don't invest much time into fb, but for whatever reason I decided to click on your blog and read this. Maybe, it was the Matt Maher song, but as we know, it was most likely the Holy Spirit. Thank you for sharing this. All I can say is that I am brought to tears. I could have written every word you wrote here, myself. You put into words exactly what has been on my heart and knowing that my family is not alone in our struggles and our battle against the enemy actually gives me strength to approach another day with the armor to defeat him. Thank you and may God bless your family and Tom's ministry in your home and in our church. I will pray over these verses and seek guidance, strength, and peace from God's Word.

[Candy Ogden]

Samantha, Wow! I am brought to tears reading this. And inspired. I shall meditate on these verses and your wisdom all day, all week and beyond. I too needed to read this today and God led me to it. I pray for you and Tom and your family daily!