Purely Drivel

busy

Another family reunion...more good food...more family to play with (Hanna finally found some girl cousins - hooray!)...lots of time to rest and relax...

and yes, that is my children flying a kite from the back of Uncle Roger's truck. 

That's just what you do when there's no wind!

Let Freedom Ring!

Just a quick update -

• made it to California after a very, very, very long 9 hours on the same airplane. 
• learned that Caleb is very territorial about airplane seat armrests. 
• met my newest nephew, Ian, and got to squeeze my older nephews in big hugs.
• a little swimming at Grammy and Papa's for the kids.
• lots of heat - 107 yesterday for the Wooten family reunion...at the church Tom and I got married in, but it was 115 that day.
• my camera died.  I have to admit, I'm a little bit upset.  I think it's probably the battery needs to be replaced, but I hate to spend $45 on a battery not knowing if that will fix the issue.
• Caleb spent the first few nights sleeping on the floor by my bed, but finally decided last night that the extra bed in Uncle Roger's room was a better choice. 
• drum corp show last Friday.  Hanna's been going to shows since she was about 2, but it was Caleb's first...and I'm happy to report that I'm raising two little drum corp junkies =)
• brought some cut paper piecings to put together while I'm here, but either lost or didn't bring my chalk...trying to put the ones I can together and will have to find chalk somewhere soon.
• tired...sooooo very tired.  I've been sleeping fairly well (except for Saturday night), but I am just exhausted.  Hurting a bit...in new places again. 
  Sigh.
  As soon as I get used to one pain, another one crops up.  I've ordered a few books that have come highly recommended.  Definitely looking for a new doctor as soon as I get home.

-

Today, we are doing laundry...and packing...and packing...and packing some more. 

Sigh.

We're on our fourth suitcase (2 large, 2 small) and while I'm hoping that one does it, I think we might need one more small bag.  There are piles absolutely everywhere right now...I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

I had a quick check in with my doctor this morning.  He is still convinced I am depressed and just need a good psychiatrist, along with more drugs.  I'm convinced I need to find a new doctor when I get home.  I've lived with depression since I was about 10 years old, had postpartum depression after the births of both kids and know that this isn't depression.

I'm updating our California itinerary with a few changes (mainly due to my health issues and a few last minute changes). Most things are open to change due to how I'm feeling at that time.

Drum Corp show in Clovis - June 26th
Wooten Family Reunion - June 28th
George Family Reunion - July 4th
Golf Camp (Caleb and Evan - should be amazing) - July 7,8,9
Tahoe - possibly July 11th

Other plans...
Santa Cruz - not sure exact dates...Mom?
Legoland - still verifying with Grandma Fee
Fish Camp - maybe, maybe not

We'll be in Fresno for a few stretches, but I have no clue exactly when that will be yet.

And if anyone wants to meet up at Ming's, Woolgrower's or anywhere else let me know! I'm sure we could also pull together a barbecue at my parents if anyone is interested.

We'll be in California from June 23rd (tomorrow!) until July 24th.

We're also pretty excited to see these guys and meet Ian!

to my Dad...

who I get to see in two days.

Hooray!

I would say more, but we're in the middle of panic-packing*I-think-I'm-getting-sick*making-a-cake*finishing-custom-orders*no-sleep-craving-a-nap* craziness.

Piles, piles everywhere and no energy to do anything about them.

I've never felt quite so unprepared for a vacation before.

Easily the most frustrating part of my health issues over these last few months has been the eternal feeling of exhaustion.

I wake up tired...I go to bed tired...I feel like I live in a fog of sleepiness that never goes away...like my batteries are never fully charged and I am always running on empty. 

As I've told Tom many times, I think I could generally handle most of  the aches, pains and cramping that lead to a fibromyalgia diagnosis if only I weren't so exhausted all the time.

I'm currently taking two different prescriptions - one of which has helped me sleep well and given me a little relief from the pain (though not the low batteries feeling).  The other...well, since I started taking it two weeks ago, I've been having tremors, general dizziness (more so than usual), sleeping has not been so easy and it's making my hair fall out.

And even more exhaustion than before.

I'm going to have to say...I'm not a big fan and I am continually looking for other options, especially ones that are going to help with my energy levels.

That's where the secret weapon I mentioned earlier this week comes in.

Now...I have to admit, I am not a fan of energy drinks.  Most are incredibly high in sugar and caffeine - two things we know are not good for us in high doses.  They're also two things that I know I am extra-sensitive to.  I've even discussed them with one of Tom's cardiologists up at Shands (the medical center at the University of Florida).   He told me they are continually seeing younger and younger patients come in with arrhythmia and kidney problems and they're often tracing those problems to consumption of energy drinks.  The more I've studied about them, the more I've gotten the sense that there are going to be many side effects of these drinks being discovered for many years.

I've lectured quite a few people about them (just ask my brother Roger). 

So when my friend Susan suggested I try these XS Energy Drinks that she sells, I was skeptical.

Very skeptical.

How can you have an energy drink without the massive amounts of sugar and caffeine...and some of the other worrisome ingredients they tend to contain?

Simple.

They contain massive amounts of B Vitamins....B12 in particular.

I did a little research, which is best summed up by WebMD (linked only to the B12 page here) and discovered that not only are B Vitamins reasonably safe in high doses...an increase in B vitamins is recommended for fibromyalgia patients.  Since my diagnosis, I've sought out friends and acquaintances who have it for advice, and the one constant has been get as much vitamin B as you can. 

Now, please note: this is in no way should take the place of medical advice.  I'm just sharing what is working for me!  I am also a huge proponent of getting as many of your vitamins and minerals from whole foods as possible, but sometimes we do just need a little more.

And yes, these XS Energy Drinks are working for me.  I can drink one in the morning and have enough energy to last me an entire busy day. 

I don't feel jittery.

I don't have heart palpitations.

I don't have that crawling out of my own skin feeling I can get with soda.

The energy tapers off slowly, easily - there's no falling flat on your face feeling.

Best of all...the general fogginess I seem to feel just disappears.  I enjoy a sense of clarity that I can't seem to find on my own. 

The regular XS Drinks have the caffeine equivalent of an 8 oz cup of coffee, but there are also several caffeine-free options that I've found to work just as well. 

Flavor-wise, I haven't found one I won't drink...but I admit I wasn't thrilled with the Peach Tea Blast. 

And yes, as crazy at it is...I joined Amway and am selling them. 

And no, I don't have any intention that I'm going to get rich doing this.  I didn't drink the Kool-Aid or join the cult, have absolutely no intention of recruiting people or of attending any meetings.  If people are interested, I'm happy to share things that are working for me and that I love. 

I did do quite a bit of research before making the commitment, read quite a bit about the good and even more about the bad, and made a decision Tom and I are both comfortable with.

I am not a salesperson...never have been...never will be.  I know that and no one or thing will ever convince me otherwise.

Honestly, I don't think I'll make much of anything with it...but I really love the XS drinks and every other product I've tried and thought, why not?  I'm buying them from someone else...who not buy them from myself?

In all truthfulness, I'm not even really comfortable sharing and linking about it here, but if I can help someone else who has similar struggles to mine...that would be good.

Just a few things I've finished up in the last week or so...

Piecings galore! 

Each baggie holds the pieces I need to put together several (or more!) complete piecings.  I cut 38 different patterns...at least 3 or 4 of each individual pattern...and I'm so very thankful that I have SCAL!  There is absolutely no way I could have cut any of this by hand right now.  A few will get pieced this weekend, but I think I'm just going to throw a sheet of cling wrap over the top, wrap it all in bubble wrap and throw it in a suitcase with chalk, my pens and inkpads so I can put them together while I'm at my parent's house.

My new heating pad =)

I started it a few days ago, realized I didn't have enough rice for as large as I wanted it and was finally able to finish it up this morning.  It's about a foot wide by two feet long, and I think I put about 8 cups of rice in there.  I added the rows so the rice would stay a little more thinned out.  With the ones I have now, the rice or flax seeds all fall to the corners and I'm hoping this helps it all stay in the middle a bit more. 

It took just a few minutes to sew and I really only had two issues: getting the rice in without a funnel (I finally made a wonky one out of paper) and sewing the end closed.  I'd intended to just fold them under, but with the rows, that wouldn't work.  Being a lazy sewer, I just flipped it back, added two rows of stitching and decided I liked the frayed edge.

I'm calling it "deconstructed" and I plan to make a few more before I leave to take with me.

Random thought: this may be the craziest packing ever for California...baggies of paper piecings, fabric bags full of rice, layouts, bubble envelopes...I wonder what they'll think if they open my bags up for inspection!

I love heating pads like this - I prefer not to use one that plug in (I'm a little neurotic about plugging things in and putting them on your body).  I've found these to be one of the best things for the general aches, pain and cramping I seem to be living with now, but they're also great for earaches and anything else you'd generally use a heating pad for.

What I really want now, though, is to figure out how to make a pair of slippers I can do the same idea with.  My feet hurt all the time and cramp over and over and over again every evening.  These help, but they're hard to wrap around my feet...which is where the slipper idea comes in. 

I just think it might be a bit past my sewing ability.

Teacher gifts...

This was a hard one this year - because I've been sick, I haven't been able to list much and money has been beyond tight.  It's very important to me to let the kid's teachers know that we've appreciated all they've done, so I tried to get a little more creative with their gifts this year.  I cut the apples and bears from Myscrapchick, added them to take out boxes and filled them with Hershey's kisses.  Cute, inexpensive and fun. 

Works for me. 

I'm kind of stuck on this idea - Hanna has a birthday party this weekend, and I'm going to do the same thing and put a gift card in the box. 

And from a few weeks ago - a Family banner I did for Myscrapchick for our June challenge.  I linked it a week or so ago, but I really love it and thought I'd share it again. I think I might start making a few when I get home from California to start listing, but I have no clue about pricing. 

And yes, Mom, it's yours.  I've already got it in my random box of stuff to take with me.  We'll just have to pick up some new ribbon because I needed it for another project.

8 days until California...and before we leave I need to:

• pack - okay, so a little obvious.  I've started a pile of random stuff...my Dad's Epi-pen he left when he visited, the banner I made for my Mom, the kids swim goggles, beach towels, a new bottle of sunblock...and I'm starting the main packing lists today.
• get my business situated - I decided yesterday to revamp my entire selling plan for the summer.  Layouts arent' really selling that well, but individual piecings and smaller items are.  Today and tomorrow, I'm cutting, cutting, cutting and putting the pieces in baggies.  Wednesday and Thursday, I'm planning to ink everything and put a few together.  Most of the inked pieces will go to California with me in baggies, where I'll assemble and list them while I'm there...and perhaps recruit some unpaid workers in the form of my Mom and Hanna (*wink wink*).  A few of the ones I put together will go on layouts I'm hoping to get done this weekend to list next week.  I think this week is going to be clearance week while I sell off a few older layouts. 
  I've also still got to get the "summer stash" I've been working on organized and listings scheduled.  And I might have a custom order to take care of this week too - eek!  It's probably pushing myself more than I should, but I have a secret weapon I'll share later this week.
• survive VBS - the kids love it...but with one car it makes for a tough week.  Hanna's volunteering this year, so she has to be there by 8:30.  Pick up is at 11:30.  Tom's done with work whenever he's done with work. 
  Add it all up and I'm driving to and from church 3 times each day.
• make it through all the other randomness - we've got dinner with friends this evening (more about that secret weapon), I have accountability group Wednesday at 12:30 (but Miss Sherrie has her homemade banana pudding for me and well, that stuff is just awesome and makes everything better!), church supper and Bible study Wednesday evening, Tom and Caleb are possibly going to Kona Skatepark in Jacksonville on Thursday and Hanna has a birthday party on Saturday. 
  Just typing it all makes me exhausted.
• I also need to decide if I want to work on a basic sewing project here or wait until I'm in California.  I've discovered that heating pads are my best friend for my fibro aches right now, but I don't like to use the ones you plug in.  I have a few of the rice/flax seed ones you throw in the microwave that I love, but they've both got holes in them and I'd like to modify the design a bit.  It's sort of last on my priority list at the moment, so it might wait until California...and then maybe I can use Grammy's sewing machine again.
  I have dreams about that machine - is that odd?
• And I'm sure there will be much more of this going on around here this week:
  
  
  
  We're already on our second Slip'n'Slide of the year!  

Lots to do!

Oh yes, it is!  The calendar may not agree with me quite yet, but we are definitely in summer mode here at the Widlund house...

• we came home from the library last weekend with over 30 pounds of books...and most of them were mine.  A few things I've been waiting to read and quite a few more random grabs.  Loving this, couldn't put this one down and was really intrigued by this one (and no, it isn't about Jim Morrison).  I've also got a little Vonnegut and the latest Harlan Coben, plus a few others I'm hoping to finish before we head out to California.
• Hanna started reading this series and is loving it.  I figured she would - she read the first two books in a little over a day and is begging for the rest.  I'm going to pick up 3, 4 & 5 for our flight to California to keep her busy.  Caleb is really enjoying The Magic Tree House books and also, a series of chapter books about extreme sports.  There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing them dig through our bag of library books in the car because they just can't wait to get home to start reading =)
• We took Grandma Fee to the airport yesterday (and I made it straight to and from OIA on the first try - woo hoo!).  She has been an absolute blessing over the last 10 days - we always love having her come, but with me not feeling well and Tom in the Bahamas...well, I don't think we would have made it without her!  Tom gets home tomorrow.
• Caleb is the Slip'n'Slide king...
  
  He just goes and goes and goes and goes...for hours on end.  It's been hot and dry the last few days, and it's been the perfect thing to keep him busy.
• A quick picture from Hanna's 5th Grade Graduation...
  
  We got caught in a huge thunderstorm on our way out and she actually had to pour out her shoes.  Graduation itself was rather long, but we were so proud of our girl.
• Oh - Aunt Janice - thank you so, so much for the article!  I'm going to take it with me to the doctor and insist he send me to a specialist. 
• Kids are fighting...gotta go...yep, it's summer alright!

I've always tried to keep this blog a place of honesty...I've always tried to represent our family, what we believe in and who we are in a truthful way. 

I feel like I haven't necessarily been doing that lately. 

While I have shared about my recent health struggles and a bit once in a while, I've kept quite a bit of it to myself.

For almost 3 months, I've been dealing with daily pain in my hands, shoulders, knees and feet.  I have cramping in my legs and feet so often that I lose count of how many times per day it happens. There are days I can barely write and days I can barely walk.  Sometimes my hands swell for no apparent reason and sometimes they're numb.  I feel foggy all the time - my words get jumbled and I've started stuttering on occasion.  I am exhausted...all the time, all day long.  Something as simple as unloading the dishwasher causes me to need to rest.

I've been tested for everything from rheumatoid arthritis, Lyme's disease, leukemia and anemia to multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy and several things I've never even heard of. 

After 3 months of illness and pain, I finally have a diagnosis...one of exclusion...but at this point a diagnosis is a diagnosis.

Something to call what's been happening to me, and having a name to give this is a blessing in itself.

Fibromyalgia.

My doctor seems to think psychoanalysis and more anti-depressants will cure me.

I'm beginning to think I need to ask to see a specialist and possibly find a new doctor.

I don't want to be on more drugs and I'm not comfortable with psychoanalysis (although I'd be happy to see a good counselor). 

And 20 years of experience with many different forms of it, I really don't think this has anything to do with depression...nor does Tom, who made it clear to my doctor that I am the most emotionally healthy I've been since he's known me. 

Right now, I'm in a learning phase - it's one that is natural to me.  

Learning about wha fibromyalgia is.

Learning how to budget what energy I do have.

Learning more about foods and flare-ups and starting to research supplements and looking for an herbalist.

Learning more about what all of these changes are doing to me and how that affects not only me, but my family.

Learning what my limits are and how to recognize them.

I've gained 30 pounds in about 10 weeks, primarily because any amount of mild activity right now seems to make the cramping worse and turns general aches into awful pains.  My metabolism has plummeted.

There are times I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.

I will not be defined by this...I will not allow this blog to become a place where I talk only about pain (which is probably one of the reasons I haven't been blogging much lately)...I will still work and create and love my family by serving them as best I can on a daily basis...I will continue to live fully the life God has planned for me (though with occasional naps as needed).

I don't know why I feel the need to share this so publicly - perhaps because this blog is in many ways my journal, perhaps because I know I have so many friends and readers who are prayer warriors, perhaps because I feel like my head will explode if I don't get it out and this is my dumping ground.

I promise this blog will not become solely focused on my pain and fibromyalgia...because I will not allow myself to become focused solely on my pain and fibromyalgia.  I will, though, share on occasion because that honesty about who I am and how I live is so important to me. 

I would very much appreciate your prayers, and if you know of any resources or tips I'd love to hear about them.

Just a quick update -

• made it to California after a very, very, very long 9 hours on the same airplane. 
• learned that Caleb is very territorial about airplane seat armrests. 
• met my newest nephew, Ian, and got to squeeze my older nephews in big hugs.
• a little swimming at Grammy and Papa's for the kids.
• lots of heat - 107 yesterday for the Wooten family reunion...at the church Tom and I got married in, but it was 115 that day.
• my camera died.  I have to admit, I'm a little bit upset.  I think it's probably the battery needs to be replaced, but I hate to spend $45 on a battery not knowing if that will fix the issue.
• Caleb spent the first few nights sleeping on the floor by my bed, but finally decided last night that the extra bed in Uncle Roger's room was a better choice. 
• drum corp show last Friday.  Hanna's been going to shows since she was about 2, but it was Caleb's first...and I'm happy to report that I'm raising two little drum corp junkies =)
• brought some cut paper piecings to put together while I'm here, but either lost or didn't bring my chalk...trying to put the ones I can together and will have to find chalk somewhere soon.
• tired...sooooo very tired.  I've been sleeping fairly well (except for Saturday night), but I am just exhausted.  Hurting a bit...in new places again. 
  Sigh.
  As soon as I get used to one pain, another one crops up.  I've ordered a few books that have come highly recommended.  Definitely looking for a new doctor as soon as I get home.

-

California Plans *update*

Today, we are doing laundry...and packing...and packing...and packing some more. 

Sigh.

We're on our fourth suitcase (2 large, 2 small) and while I'm hoping that one does it, I think we might need one more small bag.  There are piles absolutely everywhere right now...I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

I had a quick check in with my doctor this morning.  He is still convinced I am depressed and just need a good psychiatrist, along with more drugs.  I'm convinced I need to find a new doctor when I get home.  I've lived with depression since I was about 10 years old, had postpartum depression after the births of both kids and know that this isn't depression.

I'm updating our California itinerary with a few changes (mainly due to my health issues and a few last minute changes). Most things are open to change due to how I'm feeling at that time.

Drum Corp show in Clovis - June 26th
Wooten Family Reunion - June 28th
George Family Reunion - July 4th
Golf Camp (Caleb and Evan - should be amazing) - July 7,8,9
Tahoe - possibly July 11th

Other plans...
Santa Cruz - not sure exact dates...Mom?
Legoland - still verifying with Grandma Fee
Fish Camp - maybe, maybe not

We'll be in Fresno for a few stretches, but I have no clue exactly when that will be yet.

And if anyone wants to meet up at Ming's, Woolgrower's or anywhere else let me know! I'm sure we could also pull together a barbecue at my parents if anyone is interested.

We'll be in California from June 23rd (tomorrow!) until July 24th.

We're also pretty excited to see these guys and meet Ian!

Happy Father's Day...

to my Dad...

who I get to see in two days.

Hooray!

I would say more, but we're in the middle of panic-packing*I-think-I'm-getting-sick*making-a-cake*finishing-custom-orders*no-sleep-craving-a-nap* craziness.

Piles, piles everywhere and no energy to do anything about them.

I've never felt quite so unprepared for a vacation before.

My Secret Weapon

Easily the most frustrating part of my health issues over these last few months has been the eternal feeling of exhaustion.

I wake up tired...I go to bed tired...I feel like I live in a fog of sleepiness that never goes away...like my batteries are never fully charged and I am always running on empty. 

As I've told Tom many times, I think I could generally handle most of  the aches, pains and cramping that lead to a fibromyalgia diagnosis if only I weren't so exhausted all the time.

I'm currently taking two different prescriptions - one of which has helped me sleep well and given me a little relief from the pain (though not the low batteries feeling).  The other...well, since I started taking it two weeks ago, I've been having tremors, general dizziness (more so than usual), sleeping has not been so easy and it's making my hair fall out.

And even more exhaustion than before.

I'm going to have to say...I'm not a big fan and I am continually looking for other options, especially ones that are going to help with my energy levels.

That's where the secret weapon I mentioned earlier this week comes in.

Now...I have to admit, I am not a fan of energy drinks.  Most are incredibly high in sugar and caffeine - two things we know are not good for us in high doses.  They're also two things that I know I am extra-sensitive to.  I've even discussed them with one of Tom's cardiologists up at Shands (the medical center at the University of Florida).   He told me they are continually seeing younger and younger patients come in with arrhythmia and kidney problems and they're often tracing those problems to consumption of energy drinks.  The more I've studied about them, the more I've gotten the sense that there are going to be many side effects of these drinks being discovered for many years.

I've lectured quite a few people about them (just ask my brother Roger). 

So when my friend Susan suggested I try these XS Energy Drinks that she sells, I was skeptical.

Very skeptical.

How can you have an energy drink without the massive amounts of sugar and caffeine...and some of the other worrisome ingredients they tend to contain?

Simple.

They contain massive amounts of B Vitamins....B12 in particular.

I did a little research, which is best summed up by WebMD (linked only to the B12 page here) and discovered that not only are B Vitamins reasonably safe in high doses...an increase in B vitamins is recommended for fibromyalgia patients.  Since my diagnosis, I've sought out friends and acquaintances who have it for advice, and the one constant has been get as much vitamin B as you can. 

Now, please note: this is in no way should take the place of medical advice.  I'm just sharing what is working for me!  I am also a huge proponent of getting as many of your vitamins and minerals from whole foods as possible, but sometimes we do just need a little more.

And yes, these XS Energy Drinks are working for me.  I can drink one in the morning and have enough energy to last me an entire busy day. 

I don't feel jittery.

I don't have heart palpitations.

I don't have that crawling out of my own skin feeling I can get with soda.

The energy tapers off slowly, easily - there's no falling flat on your face feeling.

Best of all...the general fogginess I seem to feel just disappears.  I enjoy a sense of clarity that I can't seem to find on my own. 

The regular XS Drinks have the caffeine equivalent of an 8 oz cup of coffee, but there are also several caffeine-free options that I've found to work just as well. 

Flavor-wise, I haven't found one I won't drink...but I admit I wasn't thrilled with the Peach Tea Blast. 

And yes, as crazy at it is...I joined Amway and am selling them. 

And no, I don't have any intention that I'm going to get rich doing this.  I didn't drink the Kool-Aid or join the cult, have absolutely no intention of recruiting people or of attending any meetings.  If people are interested, I'm happy to share things that are working for me and that I love. 

I did do quite a bit of research before making the commitment, read quite a bit about the good and even more about the bad, and made a decision Tom and I are both comfortable with.

I am not a salesperson...never have been...never will be.  I know that and no one or thing will ever convince me otherwise.

Honestly, I don't think I'll make much of anything with it...but I really love the XS drinks and every other product I've tried and thought, why not?  I'm buying them from someone else...who not buy them from myself?

In all truthfulness, I'm not even really comfortable sharing and linking about it here, but if I can help someone else who has similar struggles to mine...that would be good.

projects

Just a few things I've finished up in the last week or so...

Piecings galore! 

Each baggie holds the pieces I need to put together several (or more!) complete piecings.  I cut 38 different patterns...at least 3 or 4 of each individual pattern...and I'm so very thankful that I have SCAL!  There is absolutely no way I could have cut any of this by hand right now.  A few will get pieced this weekend, but I think I'm just going to throw a sheet of cling wrap over the top, wrap it all in bubble wrap and throw it in a suitcase with chalk, my pens and inkpads so I can put them together while I'm at my parent's house.

My new heating pad =)

I started it a few days ago, realized I didn't have enough rice for as large as I wanted it and was finally able to finish it up this morning.  It's about a foot wide by two feet long, and I think I put about 8 cups of rice in there.  I added the rows so the rice would stay a little more thinned out.  With the ones I have now, the rice or flax seeds all fall to the corners and I'm hoping this helps it all stay in the middle a bit more. 

It took just a few minutes to sew and I really only had two issues: getting the rice in without a funnel (I finally made a wonky one out of paper) and sewing the end closed.  I'd intended to just fold them under, but with the rows, that wouldn't work.  Being a lazy sewer, I just flipped it back, added two rows of stitching and decided I liked the frayed edge.

I'm calling it "deconstructed" and I plan to make a few more before I leave to take with me.

Random thought: this may be the craziest packing ever for California...baggies of paper piecings, fabric bags full of rice, layouts, bubble envelopes...I wonder what they'll think if they open my bags up for inspection!

I love heating pads like this - I prefer not to use one that plug in (I'm a little neurotic about plugging things in and putting them on your body).  I've found these to be one of the best things for the general aches, pain and cramping I seem to be living with now, but they're also great for earaches and anything else you'd generally use a heating pad for.

What I really want now, though, is to figure out how to make a pair of slippers I can do the same idea with.  My feet hurt all the time and cramp over and over and over again every evening.  These help, but they're hard to wrap around my feet...which is where the slipper idea comes in. 

I just think it might be a bit past my sewing ability.

Teacher gifts...

This was a hard one this year - because I've been sick, I haven't been able to list much and money has been beyond tight.  It's very important to me to let the kid's teachers know that we've appreciated all they've done, so I tried to get a little more creative with their gifts this year.  I cut the apples and bears from Myscrapchick, added them to take out boxes and filled them with Hershey's kisses.  Cute, inexpensive and fun. 

Works for me. 

I'm kind of stuck on this idea - Hanna has a birthday party this weekend, and I'm going to do the same thing and put a gift card in the box. 

And from a few weeks ago - a Family banner I did for Myscrapchick for our June challenge.  I linked it a week or so ago, but I really love it and thought I'd share it again. I think I might start making a few when I get home from California to start listing, but I have no clue about pricing. 

And yes, Mom, it's yours.  I've already got it in my random box of stuff to take with me.  We'll just have to pick up some new ribbon because I needed it for another project.

hello there, crazy week...

8 days until California...and before we leave I need to:

• pack - okay, so a little obvious.  I've started a pile of random stuff...my Dad's Epi-pen he left when he visited, the banner I made for my Mom, the kids swim goggles, beach towels, a new bottle of sunblock...and I'm starting the main packing lists today.
• get my business situated - I decided yesterday to revamp my entire selling plan for the summer.  Layouts arent' really selling that well, but individual piecings and smaller items are.  Today and tomorrow, I'm cutting, cutting, cutting and putting the pieces in baggies.  Wednesday and Thursday, I'm planning to ink everything and put a few together.  Most of the inked pieces will go to California with me in baggies, where I'll assemble and list them while I'm there...and perhaps recruit some unpaid workers in the form of my Mom and Hanna (*wink wink*).  A few of the ones I put together will go on layouts I'm hoping to get done this weekend to list next week.  I think this week is going to be clearance week while I sell off a few older layouts. 
  I've also still got to get the "summer stash" I've been working on organized and listings scheduled.  And I might have a custom order to take care of this week too - eek!  It's probably pushing myself more than I should, but I have a secret weapon I'll share later this week.
• survive VBS - the kids love it...but with one car it makes for a tough week.  Hanna's volunteering this year, so she has to be there by 8:30.  Pick up is at 11:30.  Tom's done with work whenever he's done with work. 
  Add it all up and I'm driving to and from church 3 times each day.
• make it through all the other randomness - we've got dinner with friends this evening (more about that secret weapon), I have accountability group Wednesday at 12:30 (but Miss Sherrie has her homemade banana pudding for me and well, that stuff is just awesome and makes everything better!), church supper and Bible study Wednesday evening, Tom and Caleb are possibly going to Kona Skatepark in Jacksonville on Thursday and Hanna has a birthday party on Saturday. 
  Just typing it all makes me exhausted.
• I also need to decide if I want to work on a basic sewing project here or wait until I'm in California.  I've discovered that heating pads are my best friend for my fibro aches right now, but I don't like to use the ones you plug in.  I have a few of the rice/flax seed ones you throw in the microwave that I love, but they've both got holes in them and I'd like to modify the design a bit.  It's sort of last on my priority list at the moment, so it might wait until California...and then maybe I can use Grammy's sewing machine again.
  I have dreams about that machine - is that odd?
• And I'm sure there will be much more of this going on around here this week:
  
  
  
  We're already on our second Slip'n'Slide of the year!  

Lots to do!

*officially summer ramble*

Oh yes, it is!  The calendar may not agree with me quite yet, but we are definitely in summer mode here at the Widlund house...

• we came home from the library last weekend with over 30 pounds of books...and most of them were mine.  A few things I've been waiting to read and quite a few more random grabs.  Loving this, couldn't put this one down and was really intrigued by this one (and no, it isn't about Jim Morrison).  I've also got a little Vonnegut and the latest Harlan Coben, plus a few others I'm hoping to finish before we head out to California.
• Hanna started reading this series and is loving it.  I figured she would - she read the first two books in a little over a day and is begging for the rest.  I'm going to pick up 3, 4 & 5 for our flight to California to keep her busy.  Caleb is really enjoying The Magic Tree House books and also, a series of chapter books about extreme sports.  There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing them dig through our bag of library books in the car because they just can't wait to get home to start reading =)
• We took Grandma Fee to the airport yesterday (and I made it straight to and from OIA on the first try - woo hoo!).  She has been an absolute blessing over the last 10 days - we always love having her come, but with me not feeling well and Tom in the Bahamas...well, I don't think we would have made it without her!  Tom gets home tomorrow.
• Caleb is the Slip'n'Slide king...
  
  He just goes and goes and goes and goes...for hours on end.  It's been hot and dry the last few days, and it's been the perfect thing to keep him busy.
• A quick picture from Hanna's 5th Grade Graduation...
  
  We got caught in a huge thunderstorm on our way out and she actually had to pour out her shoes.  Graduation itself was rather long, but we were so proud of our girl.
• Oh - Aunt Janice - thank you so, so much for the article!  I'm going to take it with me to the doctor and insist he send me to a specialist. 
• Kids are fighting...gotta go...yep, it's summer alright!

*finally*

I've always tried to keep this blog a place of honesty...I've always tried to represent our family, what we believe in and who we are in a truthful way. 

I feel like I haven't necessarily been doing that lately. 

While I have shared about my recent health struggles and a bit once in a while, I've kept quite a bit of it to myself.

For almost 3 months, I've been dealing with daily pain in my hands, shoulders, knees and feet.  I have cramping in my legs and feet so often that I lose count of how many times per day it happens. There are days I can barely write and days I can barely walk.  Sometimes my hands swell for no apparent reason and sometimes they're numb.  I feel foggy all the time - my words get jumbled and I've started stuttering on occasion.  I am exhausted...all the time, all day long.  Something as simple as unloading the dishwasher causes me to need to rest.

I've been tested for everything from rheumatoid arthritis, Lyme's disease, leukemia and anemia to multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy and several things I've never even heard of. 

After 3 months of illness and pain, I finally have a diagnosis...one of exclusion...but at this point a diagnosis is a diagnosis.

Something to call what's been happening to me, and having a name to give this is a blessing in itself.

Fibromyalgia.

My doctor seems to think psychoanalysis and more anti-depressants will cure me.

I'm beginning to think I need to ask to see a specialist and possibly find a new doctor.

I don't want to be on more drugs and I'm not comfortable with psychoanalysis (although I'd be happy to see a good counselor). 

And 20 years of experience with many different forms of it, I really don't think this has anything to do with depression...nor does Tom, who made it clear to my doctor that I am the most emotionally healthy I've been since he's known me. 

Right now, I'm in a learning phase - it's one that is natural to me.  

Learning about wha fibromyalgia is.

Learning how to budget what energy I do have.

Learning more about foods and flare-ups and starting to research supplements and looking for an herbalist.

Learning more about what all of these changes are doing to me and how that affects not only me, but my family.

Learning what my limits are and how to recognize them.

I've gained 30 pounds in about 10 weeks, primarily because any amount of mild activity right now seems to make the cramping worse and turns general aches into awful pains.  My metabolism has plummeted.

There are times I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.

I will not be defined by this...I will not allow this blog to become a place where I talk only about pain (which is probably one of the reasons I haven't been blogging much lately)...I will still work and create and love my family by serving them as best I can on a daily basis...I will continue to live fully the life God has planned for me (though with occasional naps as needed).

I don't know why I feel the need to share this so publicly - perhaps because this blog is in many ways my journal, perhaps because I know I have so many friends and readers who are prayer warriors, perhaps because I feel like my head will explode if I don't get it out and this is my dumping ground.

I promise this blog will not become solely focused on my pain and fibromyalgia...because I will not allow myself to become focused solely on my pain and fibromyalgia.  I will, though, share on occasion because that honesty about who I am and how I live is so important to me. 

I would very much appreciate your prayers, and if you know of any resources or tips I'd love to hear about them.