I'm counting today as our Mother's Day celebration. I think Tom and the kids are planning on making me dinner tomorrow, but today was just so good.
A trip to the scrapbook store in Orlando. Mostly stuff for the business side of scrapping, but a few fun things for me. Lunch at the Olive Garden. And then to the Orlando Convention Center to see this guy in concert.
It was actually at the Orlando Diocese's 40th Anniversary Celebration. And yes, that would be the Catholic Diocese of Orlando - we sort of crashed the party =)
I don't think anyone minded though. And honestly, it was really interesting for us from a Protestant point of view. And as Tom said when we were leaving, there is still a lot of passion in the Catholic church. It was a wonderful thing to see.
So was Matt Maher. There is such a humility in his performance and his love for what he does and -more importantly- for his Savior is so apparent. I love his CD's, but he is amazing live. He lead worship for nearly two hours - and it's fair to say I'm still on a bit of a worship high.
There is something in his lyrics that just connects with me.
This song in particular. The link is to a YouTube video, and it's not great...so here are the lyrics:
My past won't stop haunting me
In this prison there's a fight between who I am and who I used to be
This thorn in my side is a grace
For because of it the flesh and blood of God was offered in my place
You fought the fight in me
You chased me down and finished the race
I was blind but now I see
Jesus you kept the faith in me
Where did my best friends go?
At my defense they disappeared just like Your friends did to You, oh Lord
But you were there
You gave me strength so this little one might come to know
the glory of Your Name
I'm waiting and set apart
Like insense to Your heart
A libation I'm pouring out
Empty and beautiful
Beautiful
Beautiful
You fought the fight in me
You chased me down and finished the race
I was blind but now I see
Jesus you kept the faith in me
Matt talked a bit about how this song was inspired by Paul, near the end of his life while imprisoned in Rome. Looking back, seeing failures, seeing change, seeing growth, seeing that above all He sought God's heart. Seeing God's hand in his life.
And this is the song I put on my MP3 player when I lock myself in the bathroom at those times when being Mom is just too hard. We've had some difficult days around here in the last few months. We've been busy, Tom's been out of the house a bit more than usual and the boy...well, I know he's still so much better behaved that 95% of the boys out there, but he can still be so very difficult.
Being Mom has never been something that comes easily to me. From post-partum depression to the daily struggles of raising a 10 year old girl and 5 year old boy, it's been a constant and often wearing challenge.
I am not a patient person. I speak too quickly and don't consider my words nearly enough. Being a stay-at-home Mom can be lonely. And I often tend to expect more than a 10 and 5 year old are capable of.
And after 10 years of being Mom, I know it is when I am totally empty, totally relying on God to get me through that I do it best. That my words are kindest, that my patience longest.
It is when I am at my wit's end that I am most reliant on God to get me through.
Because even when I've given up completely on my abilities as a parent, He hasn't.
When I've given up hope that I will ever be worthy of these wonderful and energetic children He's entrusted us with, He still keeps faith in me.
When I am short on patience when a child calls "mommy" for the hundreth time that day, He ever so gently reminds me that I've called on Him at least as many times.
And He answered every single time.
Being Mom isn't easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Watching my two little ones grow into not-so-little ones has been (and will continue to be) an amazing journey.
And one that I know has been watched and guided by the Lord since Hanna's first breath.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there.
Especially my own, who never locked herself in the bathroom to escape us...to my knowledge.
Love you Mom.